sobriety vs. recovery

I have been thinking lately about the differences between sobriety and recovery. What is the difference? Well first, I don’t believe those terms only apply to abstaining from alcohol. They can apply to anything we are trying to get a handle on in our lives: drugs, pills, sex, food, etc.

That being said. It seems to me that "sobriety" is sort of like using the brute force of one’s will and willpower to refrain from doing whatever we are "not supposed to" be doing anymore. We still wish we could do or have whatever that is, and daily resent that it is a hassle or a sacrifice to have to refrain from whatever our personal thing is that we are avoiding (and hope that someday we can have it or do it again).

By contrast, "recovery" seems more like a journey where one has changed their mind about whatever substance, item, activity or behavior they are attempting to remove from their life. Gratitude replaces the resentment… accountability replaces  "willpower." It is more a life long journey toward recovery and less of a period of time that we can’t wait until it is over before we can have a chance at enjoying what we had to abstain from. Those are just my thoughts on it.

It seems to be that a crucial part of that difference between sobriety and recovery is the accountability piece. For all of us who falter on our journey – we may not believe that we need support or accountability. We may have weeks, months or years of success and think we have finally it conquered (Don’t we all?). But, relapse is a part of the change cycle. And relapse doesn’t necessarily have to mean failure… it can hopefully be a signal that adjustments need to be made in the plan (hence my continued attempts to reinvent my own resurrection). I once heard that failure is not falling down, but staying down.

I have learned the hard way that it isn’t wise to think we ever completely "have it licked" on our own. I think the hope is that we can get better at the recovery and have longer periods in between lapses and put safeguards in place to help us if we believe we are about to slip. No one is "bullet proof." No one can really say  "I’ll never do THAT (again)."  All we can do is walk our walk and do our own work and set in place some safe guards to help us when we feel we are about to go somewhere or do something that will set us (way) back.

So, why is it that so many of us have to learn the hard way? I don’t know. I know that it is certainly been true of me! I would like to believe that occasionally we (I) can learn from what we (I) see… without all the scars of having to do it the hard way.

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